Two times in one week, Donald Trump was denied the personal satisfaction of seeing himself on national television firmly stating the two words now synonymous with his name:
And it took the President himself to deny one of the most influential businessmen in the United States from fulfilling his weekly desire.
The first came when Obama publicly released his long-form birth certificate to appease the so-called birthers who still doubt whether the Commander in Chief is legitimately American enough to sit in the Oval Office.
Trump, whose name has been bounced around as a possible Republican contender for the presidency in 2012, has been arguably the most vocal of the birthers in his call to see the document. But despite the fact that he didn’t get to go on national TV, emphatically point his hand at the camera and tell the President, “You’re fired,” Mr. Trump jumped on the chance to lather praise on himself as thick as the foam on children in soap commercials designed to make taking a bath look like a heckuva lot of fun for a kid.
“I’ve accomplished something that nobody else has been able to accomplish,” Trump was quoted as saying. “I want to look at it, but I hope it’s true so we can get onto much more important matters, so the press can stop asking me questions.
“I am really honored frankly to have played such a big role in hopefully, hopefully, getting rid of this issue,” he added. “We have to look at it, we have to see is it real, is it proper, what’s on it, but I hope it checks out beautifully. I am really proud, I am really honored.”
But by day’s end, the birthers were back at it — this time sending out e-mail statements that the birth certificate was a fake doctored in the computer imaging program Photoshop Illustrator. Laughable at best, but at least Trump isn’t taking it that far.
So fast forward four days to Sunday — Trump’s big day on national TV. When his Celebrity Apprentice show airs in NBC’s 9 to 11 p.m. primetime slot.
I’m going to have to admit that although I’ve never really been an Apprentice fan, this season has sucked me in. The antics of actor Gary Busey, Star Jones’ “my way or the highway” attitude and Meat Loaf’s scattered-brained ideas have made a fan of me ... for this season.
So needless to say, I was rather peeved when, at 25 minutes until the show was over (I had recorded it on my DVR and was watching it about an hour late) a news flash came on saying the show would be interrupted for an unexpected announcement by the President.
I wondered what was so important that Obama felt it was necessary to interrupt my Sunday evening television lineup.
But after the ensuing commercial break ended, it was back to Trump, meeting the contestants in the board room to announce that the guys had won the contest about — of all things — hair care products. And of all statements, earlier in the show, Trump had the audacity to state that he thinks he has good hair.
So we make it through the first series of dramatic buildups to learn that the ladies would face The Don and another commercial break. Almost there, Mr. President, hold on just 10 more minutes.
Then boom, it cuts to the newscasters.
There would be no “You’re fired” for the millions of Apprentice fans this week.
But you know what really ticked me off about the whole thing? The newscasters came on and after some meaningless babble about this and that, one of the NBC talking heads blurted out that the Commander in Chief was going to announce that Osama bin Laden had been killed.
The news came as a huge surprise, but it wasn’t the President delivering the message. It was two talking heads. In fact, the final minutes of the prerecorded program ticked away and Obama still had not taken the podium. I turned bitterly to my smart phone and read a more detailed story on bin Laden before Googling Celebrity Apprentice to learn that Hope Dworaczyk had been fired.
Unfortunately, not Trump saying, “You’re fired!” Just like it wasn’t the President announcing bin Laden’s death.
Case in point: No matter how cool or important you think you are, someone’s always there to steal your thunder.
Reuben Mees is an Examiner staff writer, political junkie and a closet reality TV addict. He can be reached by e-mail at firstname.lastname@example.org.